But back to my original thought of liking this blog. I like this blog because it really helps me to track my adventures over the years. I think I started the blog in 2007 or 2008...Not really sure...too lazy to check. I have had many ups and many downs. And most of them are tracked on this here blog!
What a great way to look back at all the hard times and the wonderful times and think, "Oh, I did make it through that really life altering even...ALIVE." Because the dramatic side of me often reminds me that I will not get through any situation alive or unharmed. I will die, and it will be tragic, and there will be music. This is just my reality.
I was talking to Robyn Covey, my old laurels adviser, and she reminded me, as I was in tears on the couch, that we have regular moments and then we have life moments. Life moments are moments you will remember for the rest of your life. This summer will definitely be one of those life moments. It has been a hard struggle. First, I did my student teaching, got a job, and then graduated, all within a short amount of time. Then I moved home, to Las Vegas, to my parents house, with all my siblings except for Quinn, plus a BIL and a nephew. That is a challenge in itself. Then depression started to kick in and health problems started to explode. But things are relatively good. I see a therapist who helps me to cope with all the things that are going on. Change is hard for me. Change I can control is fun and adventurous. But change out of my control is very hard. I am learning a lesson in patience and trust. I am having to rely on my Savior in a different way than I have in the past. I am having to relearn the love that the Savior has for me, because sometimes I forget. I know in my brain that my Savior loves me, but my heart is having a hard time respecting that.
At therapy 2 weeks ago, my therapist was talking about the idea that I am His, meaning, I am the Savior's and I am in his care. I think I struggle with that thought. We talked about being unable to earn our worth through the Savior. I am already His. I just have to choose that path. We talked about unconditional love. We talked about trust. It is interesting to hear these things that I know to be true and discussing them on a deeper more personal level with someone who knows the gospel.
I know everything will be okay. I am grateful for the gospel, which I use as a roadmap, to help me to know what is best for me and my life. I know there are key principles that are taught through the gospel that bring people joy. One of the investigators in the ward was baptized yesterday and confirmed today. It is always a great opportunity to remember the baptismal covenants that I made and the blessings that come from keeping those commandments.
As of late, my mantra has been, "It will all work out, everything will be okay." I know this is true, and every time I get into emotional brain stage, I try to help myself remember this.
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